I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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