Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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