I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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