I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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