Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
