Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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