dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
