oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
