What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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