The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
