He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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