I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
