I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize