when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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