The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
