She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
