Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
