i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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