Got a toothbrush?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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