She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
