can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
