Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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