No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
