today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
