I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
