She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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