I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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