It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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