he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He felt like a one man threesome
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am available for nakedness
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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