she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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