Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize