I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
