A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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