WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
