my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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