how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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