He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize