Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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