We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
