She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
