I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
