I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
