I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
the raccoons are back...
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