I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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