just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
