apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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