dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
