pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
