I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What a dumb baby whore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
