My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
wow bdsm is so cute
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
