im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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