Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
