So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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