I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize