He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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