He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
did i walk over a car last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
