they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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