After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
