i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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