i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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