I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
