Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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