i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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