Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
