I want to have your abortion
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
