Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
