I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
