if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
