so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
