I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
