I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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