1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you didnt know i had herpes?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
