In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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