Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
