youre lurking in front of me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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