Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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