Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
