I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
