I want to have your abortion
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
