im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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