In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
