i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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