no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
