i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
