What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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