Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
