his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
