Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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