We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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