There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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