I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
