Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
