Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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