Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
