I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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