Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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