Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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