I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
