I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize