$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
