I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
