I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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